im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
Randomize
