this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
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