if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
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