what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize
