people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
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