Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
Randomize
