Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
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