Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
Randomize
