did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
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