The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
Oh god it's open bar.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
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