What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
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