i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Randomize
