he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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