i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
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