i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
Randomize
