I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
It was confusing and full of hummus
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
