if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
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