yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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