he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
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