Where are you?
In a non slutty way
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Randomize