I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
He's on the porch naked. Help.
Randomize