I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
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