On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
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