I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
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