I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
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