Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
It was confusing and full of hummus
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
Randomize
