So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
I look excited, but its just a facade.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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