Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
Randomize
