UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
