OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
Randomize
