I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
Randomize
