the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
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