WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
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