I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
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