i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Randomize
