I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
Randomize
