conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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