like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
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