So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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