The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
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