The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
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