i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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