3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
I understand Curling. That high.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
