I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
