You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
Someone signed my nipple.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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