I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize