One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
Randomize
