pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
