So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Randomize
