I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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