he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
