Your tits are I can't wait for
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
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