You work out of a Hotel?
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
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