your parents love me but you hate me
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
Randomize
