Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Randomize
