yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
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