worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
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