Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
it glows. i had to have it.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
Randomize
