i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
