i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
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