Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
did i walk over a car last night?
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
