he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
Randomize
