id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
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