I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Randomize
