You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Randomize
