I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
Randomize
