i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
zippers are such a cool invention
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
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