i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
Randomize
