I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize
