"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Randomize
