im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize