Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
Randomize
