I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
