New low: just hacked my moms facebook
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
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