I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
Randomize
