where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
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