Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
