so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
third nipple confirmed
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
