In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
