omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Randomize
