i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
barbara walters just said penis...
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
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